who am i but a lonely soul lost in a vast wasteland of rational viewings of selfmanifested drug empire states and puppydog fears? maybe caught like the rat in his indulgent trap nipping at cheese doodled nightmares looking through rose colored evasivecy and gnawing through his own foot rather than face the challenges in a post-apocalyptic neuro-plague..........well, whatever that word is. laughing at a shallow moon----- johnny kingfish (via e-mail) babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby babybaby yba aby byba abyb byba babybaby babybaby bybabyba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby babybaby yba babybaby yba aby yba ba ba babybaby babybabybabyb yba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby babybaby yba aby byb yba aby byb yba ba ba babybaby babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby Laughing at the Little Moron June 11th, 1995 __________________________________________________________________________ | | | Editor : Blade X | Call Tejas at 512-467-0663 for BBS pickup | | bladex@bga.com | Send e-mail to majordomo@bga.com with the | | Neo-Wobblie Node # 269 | message "subscribe scream" in the body. | | Issues left : 275 | |__________________________________________________________________________| Tom Kindig (tokind@netcom.com) Fight the Fascist Pinheads The Jackals are coming in Cornflakespace About Bob Ediborial (me) Anus Series : Thoughts on Work (me) E-mail Being Unemployed Hal Hill Morning in America Dr. Cat What are you Wearing? Focus Groups The Jackals are coming in! (Tom Kindig) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Jackals are coming in and, as usual, it's quite a show. They are pretty and charming & they remind you of Bob, but they are not. They come sniffing around, one at a time, because they suspect that something is up & they want to be a part of it. They work alone, but they will form pairs or a pack for a few minutes if it will serve their interests. The Jackals dress nicely & communicate wonderfully. You know exactly what they are saying because you have seen it before. They remind you of Bob, what with their shiny fine coats, enthusiastic ears, and that built in smile so reassuring. You sit, mesmerized, and watch them work. You wonder if one would shake your hand. It's just possible; but you know that fetching something or sitting on command would be out of the question. You wonder. But no, it would take a long time to coax a Jackal over to you & they are very busy at the moment. They begin to circle and prance. They take little snaps at each other to try to establish some sort of pecking order. It is completely fluid & informal, but it will only have to work for a while. Until the job is done. The problem with the Jackals is that, in all of this charming exchange, preliminary to the job at hand, they attract the attention of the Hyenas. No one likes the Hyenas, big ugly brutes. But before you know it they are there. They come in packs, well organized, ready to go straight to work. They don't take shit from anyone. They are so massive, so repulsive, that almost everyone else clears the area right away. Except now you are caught in THEIR circle. You were sitting there admiring the Jackals, outside of the circle, when the Hyenas came in. Now the circle is enlarged. The Hyenas are all around. The Jackals have vanished and you are wondering what the FUCK you are going to do now. You'll be very lucky if you are not killed just for being in the way. Ediborial (me) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Phil Gramm Pete Wilson Pat Buchanan Bob Dole If there is a phrase which best expresses the current roster of Republican Presidential candidate front-runners, it would be "fascist pinheads." Remember that you read it here first. The hand writing is on the wall. America is crying for leadership and you and I had better start looking someplace else. Where will the current wave of ex-patriates head to? Czechslovakia is filling up, is what I hear, plus both Wired and Details have written articles about it. None of the former countries of the U.S.S.R. have stable enough Net connections to consider. Plus, I don't know if I can afford a good enough gang. Since Jag moved to Seattle, I don't hear much anymore of his floating ship project, Autopia. E-mail me if you have any suggestions for the country of choice for people wanting to flee the repressive cultural crackdown programs slated for 1997. A more likely scenario than leaving the country is that I will leave behind the exploration and probing of the darker side of the psyche. Those places where people get upset if you look at. John Leo is a conservative columnist for US News & World Report, and in one column slagged Nine Inch Nails for having songs containing lyrics of death and nihilism. He repeated it twice. For these type of people, there is no distinction between discussion and advocacy. I also read in other magazines about Trent Reznor being offered poetry, letters, etc. at *each* show because of the connection made through his music. It's like, oh, someone else feels the same way I do. I thought I was the only one, blah blah blah. I don't want to turn this into a Ninniehead love-a-rama, but rather to point out that being part of something larger than one self is an anti-dote to isolation and alienation. This too, is lost to people like Leo, who also fails to acknowledge the distinction between not having values and not having *his* values. Fuck 'em. On one hand I want to dismiss this as just another Baby Boomer getting his rocks off of slagging the values of me and those my age. They do it so often, they just like it. Maybe it prevents them from looking at who it was that was responsible for teaching us said values in the first place. I mean, you guys run the country, not us. But the flip side is the huge amount of time spent worrying about integrity. No charge is more damaging or deadly than that of "selling out". It pervades the culture like nothing else. What do you think killed Curt Kobain? Oops! I made a reference to someone who committed suicide. Oh well, I have until 1997 to learn to reprogram my thinking. Keep looking on the bright side of life! It'll be all hope and sunshine from now on! Ok, I need to practice more in the mirror. Thoughts on Work : MORNING IN AMERICA (me) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All across America, people start their work day the same. Futzing around. Whether it's heading for donuts or bagels in the break room, gathering around the coffee machine, or collecting money for breakfast tacos, the first 20 minutes of any work day is spent discussing every salient detail that happened between 5:00 p.m. the day before and this Very!second. Usually about what was on television the night before. See, you and I are not so different. FOCUS GROUPS (me) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you live in a University town like I do, there's probably a market firm specializing in focus research groups. Basically you walk into a room with nine other strangers, while someone really really friendly asks you questions about your shopping experiences. Mine was on 7-11. What is it like to go through the express lane at a grocery store? What is it like when you go to a convenience store? Questions like that back and forth for an hour and a half. I actually unearthed a testable sociological theorem : when one stands in grocery store check out lines, one tends to think about committing acts of mass violence on the people in front of you. When one goes to a convenience store, one tends to think about acts of mass violence committed upon you. Think about it. No one ever worries about being robbed, mugged, or assaulted at an HEB or a Tom Thumb, but everyone has a story about soemthing happening at a 7-11 or a Circle K. Likewise, it was only while discussing HEB did people fantasize "whipping out a gun and blowing everyone away". I don't think my really really friendly marketing assistant appreciated the beauty of this inherent truth. Nor my speculation on why we didn't think an elderly woman was a typical customer. A pastiche of demographically diverse photographs were splattered on the wall, and we were asked which ones you thought of being customers, and why, and which ones we didn't, and why. In our society, I said, we have a tendency to discount the value of elderly people. We try to shove them out of our thoughts and mind, such that elderly women often complain about being "invisible" members of society. She quickly moved on to another photograph. Oh well. One other thing about focus research groups. Once I answered a phone call for one of my roommates, asking about being in a research focus group. He wasn't home, but I was, and after going through the initial screening, was offered $25 for an hour's worth of answering questions. Was I interested? You bet! So was my roommate Christopher, and so he called the research firm right back to see if he could get in on the action. MRFG: "Certainly, what category do you qualify for?" C: "Uh, what categories are there?" MRFG: "college students...blah blah blah...small businessmen." C: "Oh, I own my own business" [Lie! Lie! Lie!] MRFG: "Ok, then show up at this time and you will be paid $100" $100! for the same hour! America loves small business. Try to remember this : if anyone ever asks, just say you're a small business owner. CORNFLAKESPACE (you don't have the security clearance to know) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cyber this For all of you who are sick of the term "cyber" the new Operative term is "cornflake". Use it as much as possible to throw people off the scent. For example: "We cornflaked the images together to that psycho-doloop effect" or "We were cornflaking like crazy during PANIC" This public service annoucement from your friends in Chicago. we will know if we were successful if "cornflake" shows up in Wired's jargon watch. Thoughts on Work : BEING UNEMPLOYED (me) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's something about being unemployed that incubates the Angry Young Man living inside each and every one of us. A grating anger at the world, an irritableness at the people around you, and a conspiratorial conviction that every yazoo in the world is out to make your life a living. about Bob Tom Kindig ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You need to know a few things about Bob. Bob comes in all shapes and sizes. Having spent any significant time around any of him, you know who he is and what he is saying. Bob is an open book. You can walk up to him, a total stranger on neutral territory, and he will tell you how he's feeling, whether or not he's approachable, whether or not he likes you. This is true of Wolf too, but he's not socialized; he reserves the right to change his mind quite suddenly. Back to Bob. For some reason it is seen as useful to train Bob in special ways sometimes. Bob is not especially mean or defensive. He is most likely to be very social. He wants to fit in. You have to train Bob to act otherwise. So you teach Bob, starting when he is young, to be territorial. He has it in him but you have to coax this trait into the foreground to make it useful. You will train Bob to guard your property & person. You withhold affection from Bob. You keep him away from other people, or you tense his leash in presence of others to communicate a sense of threat. You play very rough with Bob & without affection. You reward him for biting. You tech him to be mean. You establish a territory for him & you teach him to attack any intruder. He responds to polite greeting with a snarl and bluster. The problem with all of this is that Bob is no longer a very trustworthy friend. Guests no longer feel safe in your home because, being strangers to Bob, they have to be careful where they go. Even family members have to be careful around Bob. You don't quite trust him with the kids. He just doesn't have those social skills. He jumps to conclusions, and into action, too quickly for you to control. The asset that you have created in Bob begins to look like a liability. It's not his fault, but you feel like you can't handle Bob anymore. No one else wants him--he's scary. You can't stand the idea of having him destroyed. He IS Bob, after all. I mean, you can't just kill him & forget about it. So you set Bob free to fend for himself. Bob finds a niche for himself somewhere & he is the biggest, baddest Bob in the area. His territory grows as the months pass. He gathers a following. Being the Alpha male of the group, he encourages certain standards of behavior. Only time and his own physical stamina work against Bob. People in the area start to worry. As the damage increases & people begin to feel more threatened, they will call in the authorities. They don't know Bob & they don't care where he came from or how he got to be the way he is. They only know that being Alpha is anti-social & is not to be tolerated. Time, and the limits of his own stamina, work against Bob. Thoughts on Work : WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? (me) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in the winter of 1993, there was a thread running on the Future Culture mailing list that Andy Hawks created about what people were wearing *right* at that moment. While looking at the contents of an old diskette, I found a clip dated February 2nd, 1993. Here's what I wrote: "I'm wearing plaid boxers; a 2600 t-shirt with a picture of a blue box on the front and a collection of hacker headlines on the back; one is a large metal 'healing bracelet' made monks in Tibet, the other is two small black leather cables; and two necklaces, a silver chained Mayan phoenix bird and a leather strapped metal tablet that says 'War is not healthy for children and other living things.' I'm embarassed to be sitting here in my underwear, so excuse me for a minute while I go put on some shorts. 100% cotton, blue and purple striped Guatemalan. Much better." Amazingly, on June 10th, 1995, while doing most of the work for this issue, I am wearing the *SAME* pair of Guatemalan shorts. I just look down, and there they are. I didn't plan it or nothing. If that is not a testimonial, I don't know what is. >From hal@CyberGate.COM Sun Jun 11 00:21:19 1995 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Date: Wed, 22 Mar 95 12:20:56 -0800 From: Hal Hill Hi David, here's a fan letter for you sent as an attachment. If this portion is all you get please let me know so I can re-send the main letter. Thanks, Hal Hill Hello David Smith, wanted to let you know I have enjoyed reading issues 1, 2, and 3 of Scream Baby. You are a thoughtful young gentleman, that's for sure; and you seem not to take your pain too seriously, so I predict you'll keep on thinking as the years go by. No fear of the passion going away, you don't sound full of yourself enough for that to happen. I would say that I was much like you twenty years ago--I'm 46-- but I'm mostly like you now so it doesn't amount to much. I'm a part time freelancer and have been for twenty years. Got two degrees, one in lit one in philosophy in 1975. I've been a groundskeeper for the State of California for about twenty years, at a state diagnostic facility in Fresno--Bang Bang You're dead--California. Lots of gangs. I used to write fiction and published stuff in Amazing Stories, Twilight Zone, and the Mag of Fantasy & Science fiction, but haven't written fiction for about ten years. Last couple of years I've been writing about cyberspace, it being the most fantastic thing I've run into. Dont' know much about hippies, but I think I was one. I liked Mr. Mizrach's piece on generation Xers in Scream 2 I believe. Point being that I'm writing a piece for a magazine called INFOBAHN now on zines, only electronic ones. I'm planning to rip off some of your answers to the lady that asked a bunch of questions in the alt.zines newsgroup in December of last year. I've been reading zines for awhile and will not be taking the same zines-as-entreprenureal-platform that I think she was after. I will be talking about passion and such. Cutting off an ear to paint a clearer picture of your day at the laundromat or something like that. That's what I like about zines. Not just personal zines more-or-less like yours, I'll be looking at a zine that exposes religious jerks and jerkettes, a news zine-- Bong L I believe it's called. There is still certainly something stringing them all together, something respectable I believe, and I plan to write about that. So I'm hoping you can give me some update on your thoughts about zines. You said you write your zine for you, the readers being along for the ride. "If you have to think about whether you're going to start a zine," you told Hilary Lane, "you probably won't. Those that do publish zines, it's just something that they do, that they have to do. It's an obsession, an itch that has to be scratched, and either you have it or you don't. And if it's not a zine, it becomes expressed some other way." Maybe you could tell me a little more about that. You know other zine publishers, like **** I believe. How many of them share your feelings? Or anything else you want to say about that. You'll be turning 27 soon. How long will you keep up with Scream Baby. And if you dont' mind, like Mickey Rourke said to Faye Dunaway in BARFLY, "I'm goin to ask you the same thing people always ask me. What do you do?" So in conclusion I'm including a thought I cleaned up over several years I believe, and stuck in my file--wish I had a scanner as this was pre pc. Hope you like it. And I look forward to any thoughts you may care to share with me about your zine writing and publishing experience. Best, Hal Hill hal@cybergate.com Hal is referring to an article that I posted to alt.zines in response to a reporter's question about why people do zines. You've included the basics of what I believe, and I don't know if there is anything *to* add. There's no justification or rationale for why people publish zines, other than there is something that I have to say that is not being expressed. It itches, scratches, and claws at your mental insides until finally it just comes boiling out. At least that's what it is like for me. It's not the type of thing I ask other people. Factsheet 5 used to have a section where people would try to answer this question and all the answers were the same : a variation of "just because". I think more interesting would be to ask people why they picked one format over another. Like why writing an e-zine than say, drawing a comic? I could be a decent artist by now if I spent the same amount of time learning to draw rather than learning to write. What is it about a medium that allows the expression of certain ideas? That'd be something I'd be more interested in. As far as Scream Baby goes, I've promised 287 issues, of which this is number 12. Laughing at the Little Moron: Hal Hill ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I find I'll often laugh at tasteless jokes before I can make a decision whether I ought or ought not laugh, if they're funny. Which is a funny thing because jokes that pivot on dehumanizing elements shouldn't be funny. Mind you this doesn't apply if I understand that an offensive joke is on the way. That is, if a story starts out, "Did you hear about the fag that . . .," or, "This cunt walks into a logging camp and says . . .." then I can walk away, or simply explain that I don't want ot hear anymore AIDS or nigger jokes, thanks anyway. But if I'm caught off guard I'll laugh at anybody or anything. I've laughed at jokes about farmers daughters and salesmen, about blacks,yuppies, Mexicans, elephants, Pollacks, Aggies, WASPS, morons, Bohemians, mondeys and corks, women and children, priests, popes, and Jusus Christ. To my chagrin, it seems that nothing is sacred to my funny bone. It seems that my sense of humor often outstrips my sense of propriety, which is for the most part a good thing,because I wouldn't want to sacrifice a sense of humor for a keen sense of propriety, the former being more necessary for survival that the latter. That is, you can get along in the world just fine without a sense of propriety, but you'll never make it without a sense of humor. Date: Sun, 12 Feb 1995 17:20:52 -0600 (CST) From: "Dr. Cat" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Subject: Re: The Burn, Recycle, Blame Issue > Another point of disagreement revolves around escape plans. I'm like, why > bother making them? There is no way someone will be able to walk into a mall on > Christmas Eve, drop concussion grenades into the atrium in order to wipe out > people on the ground level while simultaneous strafing the mall hallways with > automatic fire, and expect to escape alive. It's not the mall police that you > have to worry about, but armed shoppers. Either way, B_____ wastes a lot of Armed shoppers are not an issue if you do proper research in advance. Do not go to a Texas mall, or a New York City mall. Deliberately select a part of the country where there is a mall of sufficient size, but few or none of the average citizens ever go around armed. Anyway - I would tend to think that to get the proper shock, publicity, and fame, a killer should be limiting themselves to guns or below. But if you ARE going to allow concussion grenades, it's a piece of CAKE to escape. Go to a two story mall, lean on the rail overlooking the most crowded first floor area. Hold two grenades discreetly in your fists, ready to drop. Act casual occasionally glance around a bit, wait until you think there's a good chance nobody is looking directly at you, or if anyone is, very few people are. Let the grenades slip from your hands, while calmly turning to the side and starting to walk away from the railing. Act surprised at the blast, then just mimic the reactions of some particular large subset of the panicing crowds. Piece of CAKE. If you wanted, you might be able to roll some MORE grenades over the edge, or into the crowd on your level, in the ensuing chaos, and STILL get away. Mind you, I think this is somewhat moot. If you want to become a legend, the escape probably does not have the sheer dramatic impact of the shootout with the cops to the very end. Whether the end is them shooting you, you shooting yourself, or you setting off explosives and maybe even taking a few more people with you. The possibility of killing a few extras by getting some cops isn't to be overlooked either, and the killing of one or more cops provides a different kind of startlingness than the killing of a civilian, so it's better to mix both. Still, now I think about it, getting away is of possible merit because A) it's novel, hasn't really been done before. B) You can do MORE to boost your fame, whether it be anonymous letters, even taunts someday like "Twenty years later, you STILL have not caught me!", or even things like C) You can go and do a SECOND mall if you get away clean, and double your body count! Of course, doing a mall is really pretty wimpy compared to a world cup soccer game, the superbowl if you're american-biased, or best of all, a rock concert, where people are packed REALLY fucking close together, and searched for weapons at the gate, and the exits are too few and small and would be jammed and you could take out HUGE numbers of people! You might argue that the difficulty of getting your own weapons in rules this out. I say sure, the mall may be accessible to any BOZO of a would-be mass murderer. But a BOZO isn't going to come up with the quality of planning that you and your friend are, either. Once you've gone that far, you might as well plan for the ultimate. Getting a job working to help set up the concert would let you do the job. ESPECIALLY if you get a job working security! You would be in a position to know where the key threats to you were, and when, and exactly how they're armed! Better still, get a job as HEAD of security, and you can make sure there are weaknesses in the planned arrangements that EXACTLY suit your plan. > > 1. People jump into cyberspace for these things : software, sex, games, ^^^^^^^^^^^ > services. Then there is a small percentage (10% or so) who use the > technology of communication to think, to create, and to explore. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > Join us. This is the REAL reason I wrote back to you. Sex, games. Think, create, explore. Don't fool yourself - same damn things. Really, they are. If they're not, you're not doing them right. That's where my job comes in. -- Dr. Cat Anus Tom Kindig ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The preceding comments are not about security guards or police. They are most explicitly about the pack of Jackals who appear on your television every day, and the Hyenas who will surely follow. They are about the Bob's who get a raw deal, either through training or through neglect. These analogies to dogs are applied to people with some accuracy. People and dogs have been living & working together for tens of thousands of years. People entertain cats. People LIVE with, WORK with, care for and ARE CARED FOR by dogs. We are so much alike that it is alarming. -ToKind